daphiexn
DYS: Be a person with a heart
Jun 23, 2017 Friday, June 23, 2017 | 0 comments

Dear younger self,

Since some time ago, I have decided that there is nothing I will warn you about and nothing I will tell you to avoid; because I have come to believe that for all things that happened / will happen - better or worse - there is something good that comes out of it; and that it is a form of respect and trust to let you figure it out on your own.

But there are little things I just wish and wish and wish I knew when I was younger and these are the things I write to you about. l also want to keep writing to you just simply because.

-
So much has happened since the last time I wrote to you.

There were ups and downs and a lot of rambling around, fall-outs and catch-ups, love and social discomfort (?) (Being in a state of constant uptight does not help articulating the situation, but it's definitely not hate or dislike. Selective withdrawal, if you must.) But I guess that's how things are like - fluid, ever-changing, different, in-movement, which can be exhausting, really. Most days I am well-up positive and grateful for being in a position I have so much to love for, but there are some off-days where everything is far too overwhelming and I pray I could stop time for a moment and just be for a bit, to take a breather and be actually living that just surviving.

Still, I do trust that something good will come out from all of this, so you just have to know that you'll be fine and alive and learning. If anything, you learn what you don't want, and get familiar with being comfortable with discomfort.

But that's not why I'm writing.

-
For the past few days especially, a lot has happened, and most parts I had to make difficult decisions to choose between my brain or my heart; responsibility or love; work or family and self. It's even harder when both decisions are logical and debatable and non-presidential, and the consequences were completely out of my hands.

To choose my heart, I will be a fully functioning person as opposed to being a human flesh A.I., but it will also mean I may have to face judgmental words simply because my act may come across as out-of-order.  To choose my brain will mean I have to swallow my heart and gut, and my heart is my person, and to lose that will mean a loss of identity when work has the majority share of your hours.

It was the one of biggest hurdle I've faced so far. I see it as an important one because this will set as a preliminary case and it will became a "we can do that, because we have done that".

I had to take a hard look at the facts and weigh my options and put thought into the risks. After churning my head and thought about it through and through, I chose to go with my heart. Which was not easy. I had to learn to draw lines I never knew how to draw, and I'm terrified of what may come, but my heart is oddly at ease.

One thing, ya girl here has done choosing the brain over her heart, and even though the experience was great, there will always be a little bit of bitter feel in the memories, because in my heart and gut, I feel the guilt of betraying myself. I have gone through enough to know that my gut always brought me the best memories, even if it meant cleaning up a big deal of mess after, my heart was light.

So hear me out, baby-self, no matter what, even if it meant facing the worst accusations, Be a person with a heart.
You're not a person without a heart. (But also weigh out your consequences cause you ain't a person without a brain either wtf)

The beauty of being human is exactly that: being human. You are flesh and blood and feelings and emotions. You are experience and joy and laughter and hardheartedness. You are decisions and good choices and mistakes and lessons. You are allowed to have all that.

But when you don't have a heart, you're just an unemotional wreck, who will be completely replaced by an AI eventually. Because I personally firmly believe that the only thing irreplaceable and completely underrated, is having a true self-awareness, which in turn will allow you to make decisions with your heart.

So, if you would only follow one thing I ask, please do this: Be a person with a heart, and bring your brain with you. Because that blob will do you good when you learn to align it with your heart. :)

As always, I love you.
Don't ever forget that.

Love,
Your beating heart 

-
P.S not proof-read as usual wtf

Thank you for reading!  
Dear younger self is turning into a open letter series lolol
It is terrifying to put myself out there like that,
but I chose to be a person with a heart.
And if I'm wrong, I will learn from this, 
but I have never regretted it (: (I hope wtf)

Thank you for taking a piece of me with you.
I hope the skies are extra pretty for you today x 







OLD
Day 2#
May 1, 2017 Monday, May 01, 2017 | 0 comments

Today, I am grateful for perfect timing 

The universe conspires to make things work for each and every one of us, all in perfect timing. 

For example, today I was in a slight doubt of what I have plans to do. And just moments later, I stumbled upon a lovely testimony/sharing from someone who did the same, and was reassured that what I want to do will bring me where I want to be, which is exactly where he is now. 

 I'd like to think that they are little "trailers" the universe set forth to show us what it is capable of. Successful people are such great examples of what that can be and what that are possible. They are the literal proof of greatness and wonder and dreams made true, all set by example.

The universe conspires to make things work for each and every one of us, all in perfect timing. 
It has been proven to me over and over, and there is no reason for me to not trust in the knowing of that. 

All I have to do now is let go, and trust that everything is set in motion and coming my way. 
Everything is perfect the way it is, and all will fall in to place in time. 
My heart is full, and I am in love and grateful. xx

Thank you for vibing with me! 
Today, whenever you see double digits, take it as a reminder to love x
I love you 

OLD
#Day1
Apr 29, 2017 Saturday, April 29, 2017 | 0 comments

Today, I am grateful for positive people.

I love good energy, I love good vibes. I love, love, love, love, love the people who give exactly that.
So many times a day I catch myself smiling and crying at the best things people do, and the amount of good there is, and all the lovely people there are. I just want to go all 贞子 and crawl thru the screen and give them a hug.

There's so much good out there, and I am so grateful technology is catching up so fast. Because when you free people up from technical things, there's a lot more time for humans to do what they're supposed to do best - being humane; and I'm so so so grateful for that.

The thought of the world evolving into a magical place where the is nothing (much) left to innovate but creating new ways to serve people as humans?????

I love the world more everyday ❤

------------

Thank you for taking a tiny piece of me with you today! 
I make a tiny wish for the world everyday, 
and I hope you find a new song you love today x 
Love you xxx 

OLD
Blessed are the Ones
Apr 4, 2017 Tuesday, April 04, 2017 | 0 comments

Blessed are the ones,
who are genuinely kind;
the ones who take time to be wonderful,
and leave all they touch a little lighter. 

Blessed are the ones,
who are naturally loving;
the ones who feel the world with their heart,
and find joy in just being. 

Blessed are the ones,
who are generous in all;
the ones who know that the world is in abundance,
that all that is needed is provided,
and to give is to receive.

But also,

Blessed are the ones,
who are less sweet than bitter;
the ones who used to wear hearts on sleeves,
but were not given a heart in return.

Blessed are the ones,
who have their cups half empty (but still have a cup);
the ones who have the heart of gold,
but handicapped for having too much to lose.

Blessed are the ones,
who are lost and confused and a little sad;
the ones who know - or don't yet know - that this is not it,
that there is much more to learn and know and remember,
and love. 

For when they remember who they are,
they have so much to give. 

-

Thank you for reading! 
I don't know where I was going with this,
(then again, do I ever?)
but I know, as always, I love you.
And so does the tiny piece of me you will keep.

I hope mid-week is kind to you, 
and you will never have a day you'd wish away x

Love ,
Always. 

OLD
Dear 20 year old self
Mar 26, 2017 Sunday, March 26, 2017 | 0 comments

Dear 20 year old self,


I'm sorry I haven't been writing. Thing have been bizarre and hectic and unfolding in all directions I'm so very overwhelmed.

I read the letter you wrote for all of us again. I'm so glad to be reminded, to recall, to reconnect - and I'm so sad. My heart tore and healed with every word, and there is so much I want to tell you.

-
As of today, you will be in the work force for a solid 16 months. A year and a quarter.

Honestly, I think things are both better and worse than we expected them to be.

We got into the white collar industry having no idea what to expect and petrified by the fragments of (unpleasant) experiences people share. Like all stories, the things said were tainted by opinion. You're going to hear all about it, and my advice is for you to take it with a grain of salt.

Most people we've got to meet at work are generally very very kind. They're so accepting and lovely and genuine. Last year, on our birthday, some of our team mates filmed a short video of them singing you a birthday song in the middle of work because you were 9.5k miles away (that's a story for another day). I consider them the gems of my entire worklife span to date, really.

And we were given amazing opportunities to do things like organizing events and hosting and writing speeches and dealing with words and people and just a chunk of things you thought you'd never get to do, and going to places we've dreamed of and eventually fall in love with.

I guess our luck never wears off. (;

Everything is magical and the universe is giving us everything we think we wanted, but I've never felt more distant from you. It wasn't until yesterday when I took a step back and realized how much I have lost touch with myself - with you.

There were so many conversations I've held with you in my head since then, consciously and unconsciously. Most of the time we end up with undone reflections because of uncalled-for distractions and strayed thoughts and being so emotionally drained and conflicted I'm almost afraid to think.

Recently, days have been longer and shorter at the same time; my words are both more and less, thoughts are both deafening and abstract, and my heart, both strong and weak. The child and the ego are screaming for attention, but the one I want to hear from most I can't seem to hear.

In one of the audiobooks I've been on lately (I have been very much into audio books lately. They work as beautiful white noises, and I'd like to believe and trust that the subconscious will work its magic.), there was a saying - I can't remember word for word, but paraphrased - "Isn't it unfortunate that we allow ourselves to be surrounded by the things that won't bring us joy?" and I feel like that was your encrypted message to me.

If you could see me now, I wonder what you would think.

P.S. I love you. And I miss you.

Love,
Your 23 year old self.

-
(also, P.S, have not proof-read wtf)

Thank you for reading!!
I'm sorry I have been away for far too long.
I have been meaning to blog for the longest time
but I think it is an unwritten rule for a "professional" to not share themselves wtf
For a long time, I felt robbed of my voice and I think I'd like to have it back now.
I might regret this, (I might not), but regardless, I'd like to remember this.
Thank you for taking a tiny part of me with you.
I hope Monday traffic treats you well 
Love you xx

OLD