Soul Mates
Nov 16, 2017 Thursday, November 16, 2017 | 0 comments

“We can also allow our Soulmate to pass us by, without accepting him or her, or even noticing. Then we will need another incarnation in order to find that Soulmate. And because of our selfishness, we will be condemned to the worst torture humankind ever invented for itself: loneliness.”


My heart is everywhere today.
Things are happening simultaneously and emotions are coming in waves, it is a bit overwhelming,

But, I trust that all is in due time, and all is in perfect timing.
And all I can say is thank you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you.


The divine timing
Nov 13, 2017 Monday, November 13, 2017 | 0 comments

Some people say that life is what you make of it; some people say all things are written and we're just here to fulfill our meaning. Things are happening all the time, and everything is constantly in motion, and time is passing, whether you like it or not. 

Some days I believe in the former - it gives a sense of control and fulfillment - but it drives me into anxiety whenever I think about having to figure out what kind of life it is I actually want and which direction I should take. How much fun is too much fun? How much do I have to "go for it" despite the nagging gut feeling? What if I end up being eighty four years old and realize that I have been chasing for something I care very little about? 

And things are happening all the time, and everything is constantly in motion, and time is passing, whether you like it or not. 

Then I fall into believing in the latter. Which is so much easier to do. Just, let be, and all will fall into place, and not having to take responsibility. And most times I believe in this more because (of science, mostly, but that's a thesis-worthy post we will never dwell into wtf) my heart rests well. Things seem to flow better and good things seem to always come and inspired intuition will come in due time, urging for you to take action.

Mostly, I hover between believing that it is a lot of knowing what your heart and gut want, and what you do about it. Make things happen but also allow things to happen. 

And things happen for a reason. Everything is constantly in motion. Time is always passing. 
And time is always right. 

Time is a funny thing on its own. For the little of what we factually understand, it started as an indication, a measurement to meet at a common ground, but as time passed it became a milestone check, and became something we race with.

The idea of the divine timing is this: Everything is exactly when it's supposed to be.
Sometimes, we don't get what we want immediately-immediately. Most times, we don't get them when we want them most. But most things don't make sense up-close, but time will pass, and you will be dragged further from your current reality, and you will realize that you had went through what you've been through so that it could be built up to whatever / whoever you are right now.

And then there is the divine storm for the undecided.

For a large fraction of time, it was paralyzing for me to think how different my life would be if I took all the risks and made curious intuitive decisions that can't be fully rationalized; almost always I would end up wishing for parallel universes to be true and enough science for me to watch how things could be, and be at peace knowing that, at least in some ways, I lived that life too.

Later I learnt that, no matter how meticulous you are in sculpting your conscious-ideal-justified life, sometimes things happen - they will come in waves and lighting, intimidating and unannounced, and it will feel as if you've lost all control and things are too fast and nothing makes sense. And that is the divine storm, conjured to reset your course of motion (there is actual science behind this, don't doubt me wtf).

I may not be right, but knowing of the divine storm and divine timing puts my heart, because nothing is wrong and nothing can go wrong. And maybe if it will help yours rest, I hope you know this:
You are always on the right track, in the right time, going through the right things. 
And if things don't turn out the way you want it, maybe it wasn't what you truly wanted. 
All you have to do, is make time count, be a person with a heart, have fun, and be truly happy at any stage, knowing with ease that the universe/god/science will work their magic.
And you just have to be there and allow it. 

P.S not proof-read what else wtf

Thank you for reading!  
Honesty am very unsure of how this piece turned out wtf
I was absolutely fickle about this piece it has been sitting in draft for the longest time
Being mindful but thoughtless is a balance I have yet to master haha
I will be perpetually terrified of what people may think when I put up something close to home,
But I hope at least one person gets relieve out of knowing 
And that will be enough :) x 

Thank you for taking a piece of me with you.
I wish for you everything you wish for x 

D.J. 1895 - 1974
Sep 22, 2017 Friday, September 22, 2017 | 0 comments

“It is both a blessing

And a curse
To feel everything
So very deeply.” 

- David Jones 

It is. 
There is so much to love, so much to yearn, so much to break for. 
My heart is confused and my mind is scattered. 
All I want is to stay right here and just.. feel everything. 

Sometimes, the only way to stop, is to stop. 

What is your currency?
Sep 11, 2017 Monday, September 11, 2017 | 0 comments

I've been meaning to write about this for the longest time.

I spend a lot of my time thinking if behavior and personalities are by nature or nurture - and the closest I can come up with is "the core is by nature, but varied by nurture". The answer doesn't satisfy me as well as I would like it to.  But we will have to leave it at that until I find something more apt wtf.


I believe that we have advanced so much since the beginning of time that we lost track what is most important to us.

The common route we have been taught to go through was to 1. Graduate high school 2. Get through whatever highest education you can get 3. Get a job 4. Get married 5. Get children and finally, 6. Get your children in to college. It's no news, and it's not wrong - it was out of the kindest intentions of parents, based on their reality, when education was not just a pretty mask of a highly profitable business anyway.

Through that, we also learn - directly or indirectly - that money is important, and we need to work for money, because money is important. But for a lot of us, we have gone way past that. Sure, there are a minor portion of us who needs to make a living for survival, but a large chunk of us are privileged bitches who owns too many things we don't really need for "status".

In the era of technology and social media, amongst the fanciful OOTDs, pretty waffles, and well-coordinated feeds, a good 90% of things we see are facades we would like people to believe how our lives are like - airbrushed and perfect. Of course, there's nothing wrong with a beautiful picture that takes a respectable amount of patience and practiced skills to produce, but all I want to ask is this:

Is this really what you want? 

See, what I think is this:
I think that we have come so far that all we know are fragments of statements lost in translation.
We were taught to earn money, to love money, to need money, that we forget that money is a means - not an end. And this is where I ask:

What is your currency? 

What is the one exchange that is the most valuable to you? What is it you are working in exchange for?
For some of us, it is comfort - to have a comfortable life for your and the ones you love up to your standards. For some of us, it is freedom - the freedom to speak your truth, and be truly yourself.
But for most of us, it is sheer happiness, which could take many, many, many forms.

And if comfort, freedom, and happiness are their own form of currencies, any transaction is just a currency exchange, which would make a lot more sense than a cycle of unproductive madness really.

But we forget, don't we? We get so caught up with the expectation society have for us that are so uniformly standardized, as if we all have the same currencies; as if we all want the same kind of happiness; as if we all want to work in a cubicle of routine work that could be done by an AI within the next few years (I'm giving it 7).

What would you do if all jobs paid the same? 

I believe that some people stray from their passion because they learnt growing up that their passion was "stupid" or "low class", and I've always believed that a passionate person will always, in time, do the job better than even a skilled person, because you can't teach soul.  I mean, look at Marie Kondo making millions out of cleaning, and imagine the number of people who have given up their passion in cleaning because being a janitor was not a "professional job"?

I'm not mocking. I actually do know people who have given up their dreams of being a care-giver because it makes less money than a lawyer, and I know people who became doctors because their parents won't let them be fashion designers, deeming it not "practical" (their words, not mine wtf).

So, I ask you this:
Where will you be if you didn't know the unspoken hierarchy in careers? How will you live if you weren't taught that stability was ideal even though it meant living in a time capsule that things were constantly stagnant? What will you be like if you knew that having/executing different ideas only meant that you had an opinion that is as important as the next? Who will you be if you unlearned all the things that were noises to your decisions and loved only the things you truly loved? 
What is your currency - the one currency that is truly worthy for you to exchange with your limited time in your physical self?

I don't know where I'm trying to go with this, honestly.
But I know is this:
My currency is love and joy, and I would write, write, write my life away if I could. 
And you should be able to do all that you love. 


P.S it's probably a given, but not proof-read, as usual wtf

Thank you for reading! 
Haven't done open writing in a long time, and I missed it so much.
Not as mindless as I usually have them, but this is more a head-than-heart piece. (: 

Thank you for giving me a slice of your time in exchange for a piece of my thoughts. 
I hope the traffic is lovely and your parking is one of the nearest to the entrance x
I love you xxx

DYS: Be a person with a heart
Jun 23, 2017 Friday, June 23, 2017 | 0 comments

Dear younger self,

Since some time ago, I have decided that there is nothing I will warn you about and nothing I will tell you to avoid; because I have come to believe that for all things that happened / will happen - better or worse - there is something good that comes out of it; and that it is a form of respect and trust to let you figure it out on your own.

But there are little things I just wish and wish and wish I knew when I was younger and these are the things I write to you about. l also want to keep writing to you just simply because.

So much has happened since the last time I wrote to you.

There were ups and downs and a lot of rambling around, fall-outs and catch-ups, love and social discomfort (?) (Being in a state of constant uptight does not help articulating the situation, but it's definitely not hate or dislike. Selective withdrawal, if you must.) But I guess that's how things are like - fluid, ever-changing, different, in-movement, which can be exhausting, really. Most days I am well-up positive and grateful for being in a position I have so much to love for, but there are some off-days where everything is far too overwhelming and I pray I could stop time for a moment and just be for a bit, to take a breather and be actually living that just surviving.

Still, I do trust that something good will come out from all of this, so you just have to know that you'll be fine and alive and learning. If anything, you learn what you don't want, and get familiar with being comfortable with discomfort.

But that's not why I'm writing.

For the past few days especially, a lot has happened, and most parts I had to make difficult decisions to choose between my brain or my heart; responsibility or love; work or family and self. It's even harder when both decisions are logical and debatable and non-presidential, and the consequences were completely out of my hands.

To choose my heart, I will be a fully functioning person as opposed to being a human flesh A.I., but it will also mean I may have to face judgmental words simply because my act may come across as out-of-order.  To choose my brain will mean I have to swallow my heart and gut, and my heart is my person, and to lose that will mean a loss of identity when work has the majority share of your hours.

It was the one of biggest hurdle I've faced so far. I see it as an important one because this will set as a preliminary case and it will became a "we can do that, because we have done that".

I had to take a hard look at the facts and weigh my options and put thought into the risks. After churning my head and thought about it through and through, I chose to go with my heart. Which was not easy. I had to learn to draw lines I never knew how to draw, and I'm terrified of what may come, but my heart is oddly at ease.

One thing, ya girl here has done choosing the brain over her heart, and even though the experience was great, there will always be a little bit of bitter feel in the memories, because in my heart and gut, I feel the guilt of betraying myself. I have gone through enough to know that my gut always brought me the best memories, even if it meant cleaning up a big deal of mess after, my heart was light.

So hear me out, baby-self, no matter what, even if it meant facing the worst accusations, Be a person with a heart.
You're not a person without a heart. (But also weigh out your consequences cause you ain't a person without a brain either wtf)

The beauty of being human is exactly that: being human. You are flesh and blood and feelings and emotions. You are experience and joy and laughter and hardheartedness. You are decisions and good choices and mistakes and lessons. You are allowed to have all that.

But when you don't have a heart, you're just an unemotional wreck, who will be completely replaced by an AI eventually. Because I personally firmly believe that the only thing irreplaceable and completely underrated, is having a true self-awareness, which in turn will allow you to make decisions with your heart.

So, if you would only follow one thing I ask, please do this: Be a person with a heart, and bring your brain with you. Because that blob will do you good when you learn to align it with your heart. :)

As always, I love you.
Don't ever forget that.

Your beating heart 

P.S not proof-read as usual wtf

Thank you for reading!  
Dear younger self is turning into a open letter series lolol
It is terrifying to put myself out there like that,
but I chose to be a person with a heart.
And if I'm wrong, I will learn from this, 
but I have never regretted it (: (I hope wtf)

Thank you for taking a piece of me with you.
I hope the skies are extra pretty for you today x