So there you are. This is me, at the age of 11 and 18.5.

Shit me I just realized my hair wasn't even at the same length on both sides after 7.5 years wtf. 

My childhood wasn't the best. I was never the prettiest girl in class. Not even close. Heck I wasn't one of the prettiest anywhere. I was tubby, short, had terrible hair, and practically invisible. I wasn't very academically inclined too; but it wasn't too bad I guess. Just average. I had as much appeal as a tree. 

I was one of those girls none of the guys would go after, and being in a class where out of 20 girls 5 had boyfriends and the rest having secret admirers, you kinda get how I feel la.

I had a hard time making friends. I only had very few friends, some which I thought we were friends but actually they were just nicer classmates lol and some who just wanted to take advantage of me. I remember there was one girl who agreed to spend break time with me only if I buy her food every day. And I agreed WTF. And she kept taking money from me and never give back. I calculated (and still remember I think cause I secretly am damn vengeful lolol) I spent about 800bucks on that "friendship" lol. 

What? I really had very very few friends okay. I was exceptionally socially awkward samo. The popular ones of course don't like me la. Join me would be so siasueh for them wtf. But even the geeks also don't like me cause I'm not smart enough for them WTF. Like serious. And also cause the geeks are all guys la and you know la, chinese primary school, Girl + Guy + any form of contact including verbal one wtf = Couple. Primary school kids logic lolol. 

But okay I admit I was also mad stupid la. I let people step on me a lot then. There was this guy who sat next to me, he sold me a free gift with a "Free Gift" sticker on it for 5bucks. I bought it cause he said if I don't buy he won't friend me WTF.

Really, got time machine or not, I want to go back and slap myself wtf. -____-

This same guy, accidentally touched my face and said it was the most sueh incident in his life. I think it was then I believed that I was the ugliest girl in the school. 

Then again maybe it's true LOLOL

I remember one time got one girl ask me if anyone likes me, I say don't have and her responds was "yea true also la." So yea. I didn't have a very memorable childhood. I did have quite a few close friends, but none where I share secrets with (not that I have any la, fucking amoeba then lolol wtf).  Last time primary school very heng one, sister here sister there. I had none lolol.

I felt so ugly I actually convinced myself  I had no rights to like anyone cause I think if I did they'd probably feel sad like how come ugly girl like them lolol. Idk if I was that ugly, but felt that ugly.

Then I got to secondary school. I was still the ugliest among all lol. I hung out with BY and XY everyday. Even then, I was still struggling to fit in. They had a lot in common. I tried to do things they do but I couldn't keep up. 

Now to think of it, I wasn't myself at all. I wanted to fit it so much I don't even know myself lol.

And despite hanging out together, showing up at the same places, they were the ones attracting the bees. I'd like to think that I helped cause got me to set contra against, boost their attractiveness even more lor. HAHA 

Give my fugliness abit of credit can or not wtf.

The first time I had a guy after me was when I was form2. I think it was then my face improved WTF. I had longer hair and nicer specs and my grades weren't that bad despite always skipping classes lolol. 

But I did feel prettier. I don't really care whether guys like me or not, but it boosted my confidence LOL.

I know I sound so shallow la using the amount of guys chasing as a scale of measurement, but what else indicator do you want. This is like the most accurate one already wtf.

I'm not saying I'm pretty nao la, but at least better? At least presentable. 

Oi don't disagree la can or not I will sad one okay WTF

BUT I'm grateful that I was once fugly. I think it made me a better person overall. I know that people being nice to me, is a really nice thing. And I know how it feels like to feel unwanted and invisible, so I make sure I don't make anyone feel like that, as far as I'm aware of it. 

One thing's for sure, I'm still socially awkward LOL So if you see me please talk to me first okay. I'm not lanci one, I just dont know how to talk to new people HAHA And most times I'm just daydreaming so I for real cannot see anyone mega un-peka about my surrounding lolol.

But even if I'm awkward, it shouldn't be long la okay. I usually just conveniently forget that we just met and babble non-stop one WTF

What I'm trying to say is that I am really grateful for everything that happened and is happening to me. I'm grateful that my past, one way or another, made me a better person. I know who my true friends are. (BY and XY, we still hang out once in a while but always close as ever. (: Oh and we still call each other bao bao and bei bei LOLOL damn gerli I know but no choice love them so much ♥) 

And I'm glad that things are so much better now. I figured that I'm not happy being who I'm not, so might as well be someone I'm comfortable being, cause then even if no one likes me, I enjoy being myself. And as haolian as it sounds, loving yourself really matters most. 

Remember, the right people will stay no matter how wrong things are, the wrong people will leave no matter how much you try to make them stay. 

The people who stays when things go wrong are the ones that should matter most to you, the rest close one eye pretend cannot see nevermind wtf. 

But yea, this post is me showing gratitude to everything I have, everything I had, and everyone who had been or still are in my life. 

I love you all.  ♥  :)