Fish face
Jul 9, 2014 Wednesday, July 09, 2014 | 0 comments

Fish face always

If I had to say the biggest problem I have, it will be that I never know how old to act. 

Some days 28 - I run the house, buy groceries, cook a full course dinner; I drive my brother home from class, run errands, sign documents. Some days I'm 17 - I fist-pump to dubstep music in the biggest T-shirt I can find, buy everything online, and maybe eat 23 slices of pizza. There are days where I'm 20 - I put on decent make up, dress up with heels, drive decently, stand around and stare at cute guys. But I also have days where I'm an 80 year old lady, sleeping so much I feel my body merging into whatever I'm lying down on, barely speak, completely thoughtless, and toothless so I don't even bother pronouncing things right.

Then I have days where I'm just ageless and all I want to do is to be myself, sing my heart out, meet new people, fall in love, read timeless piece about everything in the world. 

I love being ageless the most. 

When I'm ageless, I am immortal. I believe that everyone is good and kind and have my best intentions at heart. I love everyone and everything with the whole of my heart - so much it become an overwhelming physical feeling where I feel my heart expanding so much it fills up the entire capacity from my diaphragm to the tip of my esophagus; and every time it beats, my body feels an intense surge of euphoria. 
(It may sound a little off the chart, but it's true.)

When I'm ageless, I am everything and nothing. Nothing matters, but at the same time, everything matters. I suddenly don't need anything, but everything between the breath of a dog and sunset becomes immensely precious. And for a while, I remember that I am part of this moment I truly only have now.

When I'm ageless, I am enough. All that I have is both temporary and permanent. The love I have, I give unconditionally, knowing what I give, remains in the place I live forever; the gratitude I have, I feel take in and feel with everything I can, knowing that all that I am thankful for will mean more for all. 

When I'm ageless, I am me, stripped away fear, worry, and selfishness. I am free, at peace, and complete.

And maybe, being me - truly fully me - is everything I've always wanted to be. 

Love you xx