時間都去哪兒了

還沒好好感受年輕 就老了

I have every reason to be nothing but happy. And I truly am.

-

Being a terribly rational person when you're equally emotional is such a maddening thing. 

And it doesn't help at all that both voices are just as loud and stubborn.

In ways, it is a survival trait, being able to see all matters differently. Most times, rationality wins, and landed me on calculated decisions that were, if not right, safe. 

But being rational is such tedious effort. There's so much to think about: factors, variables, options, responds. And as much as I was brought up sensibly enough to know that being rational is important and that I should always keep sane, there's a part of me that just refuses to do so. 

Making emotional decisions is so much easier. There is no need for thoughts of what is, what will, what may be. More so, my gut feeling has led me to incidents that were magical and precious and there's nothing I would do to change any of that. 

But winging everything doesn't work all the time. If I were to be give myself permission to be all out irrational I would have detached myself from everything and be somewhere around the world on either a camel or a double-decker bus. I would be up and out 3 in the morning rollerblading on the streets or hide in hypermarkets and camp there overnight. 

But things can't always work that way.

-

I'm torn between understanding it and letting it be but all I want to do is to break myself into tiny crumbs and float away to wherever.

-

心一直在揪着纳闷