Dec 14, 2014 Sunday, December 14, 2014 | 0 comments

Gonna cut short the apologies for being away cause I'm chasing after time, but basically been really busy and I have yet to get myself a laptop despite intending to do so for about 3 years now wtf. 

I'm practically typing everything that comes into mind right now, so this might probably going to be the rawest, most unfiltered, scattered blog post I've ever posted. 

If you've decided to actually read it, let me just give you a heads up that it might be wise for you to anticipate repetitive words, grammar slip-ups, bad paragraphing, and really unorganized thoughts wtf. 


I am a literal few hours away from being officially 21.

To be honest I wasn't really feeling much of it - not with all the stress from the exams, burying myself in papers, and getting minimal amounts of sleep. A few days back, anytime anyone asked what I wanted for my birthday, my answer will be the same: sleep and an ACCA cert wtf. 

But now that I have had a few days space to breathe and hibernate, reality is kicking in:

I'm turning 21. 

I know I know, 21 is not exactly very much different. I'm not that old. 
Heck 21 is barely old, and I know that. But I feel old. 

It's like, suddenly I'm old enough. A legitimate adult. 

I'm old enough to go into any club I want. I am eligible to drink legally in every country. I alone am held full responsibilities for everything I do. And in any case, I will never be considered a juvenile wtf.

Not that I do any of that la wtf  BUT STILL?????

Now I can sign my own contracts, expected to deal with things like car accidents, insurance, loans, investments, legal whatevers, all by myself. (well maybe not exactly by myself, but it does look pretty bad to not be able to handle it by my own I think wtf) In half a year to a year's time I'm most likely out and about making a proper living. No longer than that I'll have to source a good place, move out, and hopefully make a name in something that I'm good at. 

Personally, this year is particularly one where there was a great deal of transition. 

For starters, I moved away from Puchong. I have a room to myself, and can actually drive now. I learned to cook legitimate meals, pick groceries, deal with households. I started to participate in inter-campus activities, go to talks and events that are educational. I joined a poetry recital competition. I had a semester running between two colleges. I met a bunch of wonderful beings where we have fierce but non-heads-on-atrack discussions about everything from LDR relationships to best potato chip flavours wtf. I had fun being part of two video assignments production (where I learn that acting is definitely not a viable career path for me lolol wtf). 

I'm a lot more independent, but I allow myself to also be dependent. Much more rational, but at the same time highly emotional. I leaned to be more trusting, more honest. I forgive faster, apologize easier. I barely get mad, and if I do I am still capable of refraining myself from speaking words I will regret. I learned to see the brighter sides of everything all the time. I genuinely find joy in the smallest things. 

But I'm still a great deal the same la.

I'm still overly dependent on Google Maps. My Geography is still as bad as I was in form2. I still take a moment to differentiate between left and right. My sneeze is still gay af. I will always over use wtf. I haven't gotten any taller. I still laugh at everything.I still cry every time I watch X factor and The Voice. My music preference is still anything with a lot of guitar and drum. Taylor Momsen and Allison Harvard still has my heart.  I still tell the worst jokes and bad puns. I'm still lactose intolerant. Still eating pizza like it's my religion wtf. My favorite color is still black and white (but now I also love red and gold). I'm still the stick figure I always have been. Still can only draw stick figures fml. I still spend too much time painting my nails.

I still love everything too much. My addiction for writing and reading prevails. I'm still overly dependent on spellcheck. I still overuse filters for my pictures. My family is still the most important bunch I need. The people who are dear to me I still love with all my heart despite the distance between us. I still choose to be optimistic. Demons are still fascinating. My favorite book is still The Secret. I am still horrible at sports. I still love pickled fruits wayy too much. Subway cookies are still the best cookies. My love for Japanese food is as strong as ever. I still eat too much wtf.
And I still believe I can be better all the time.

But as the saying goes, everything happens for a reason, and as much as how everything seem so all-over-the place and comprehensible, I am thankful that this year, in the oddest ever ways, I learnt to be happier. I am truly grateful for all that has happened to me, for me, and because of me. I am a blessed child. 

This year has been a year of growth, and I'm turning 21. 
Things changed, things have not. 
But in all ways, I am grateful and I am blessed.

Thank you for letting my words be part of your experience.
I am forever thankful for you.

Love you x