rant rant rant away
Jul 23, 2015 Thursday, July 23, 2015 | 0 comments

I've been meaning to write a little something, but I couldn't do a pretty job phrasing things articulately for awhile. And I still can't now, but I figured that maybe writing is just one of those things where you kinda have to just do or your brain kinda just clogs up and words will stop flowing altogether.


The world is a little odd, I think; and time intensifies it in folds.

To think less than a year ago, I would never have guessed that I would be at a position I am in right now. But then again, for the past countless guesses, I've never gotten any right anyway.

For example, I'd never guess that I'd end up living an hours drive away from the place I called home for 21 years. Or that gold would be one of my favorite colors. Or that I'd learn to draw eyebrows. Or that I'd stop dancing. Or that I'll be in a relationship that's close to a year, and one I actually feel comfortable being myself in.

I'd probably also never imagine that I'd know anyone who behave exactly like characters I used to think are overly exaggerated in dramas. Maybe it is because I grew up in a social circle a lot smaller than enough space to stir up shit, it feels pretty unreal, seeing them. (Then again, as some have said oblivion is one of my grace-saving blessings, likely I haven't noticed even if such dramas were ongoing.)

The world is a little odd, really. And really huge.

I've been meeting so many people I didn't know a year ago. My active social circle has legitimately expanded by a couple of times, seeing that I can drive now I can actually attend things. And places - there are so many? There are a couple of new ones I've been to lately, and most of them are nothing of a hype, but it's just a little strange knowing there are places you can end up in when you take odd turns. (I enjoy strolling around, whether walking or driving, and that's how I usually end up at really unlikely places hahaha.)

But at the same time it's so disgustingly small.
I say disgustingly will all due respect, but I can't help but to feel like there are people breathing their after-coffee breath down my neck whenever it proves right that the Six Degree of Separation is true. Hell, the ones that give me chills are the ones where you find out probable "coincidences" you chanced out on that could have had you meeting people you would very much rather not meet. Ever.

I don't really know where this is going, but this is how I've been feeling lately.

Nothing adds up directly - it was more like having coincidences that built up other coincidences leading to everything. Nothing I've done consciously in any part of my life brought me to where I am now.

Oh dont get me wrong. I do love where I am now. What is there not to love?
I am happy all the time, enough to catch myself smiling at nothing, I enjoy the pleasure of having my own company, I notice little things that are worth being grateful for, I have friends who remain resonably even when I'm hopeless at replying messages and can't go to 97% of the things, I have parents who show love in actions like buying me nasi lemak just because I briefly mentioned how I was craving for it, respecting me enough to discuss important issues with me, and trusting me with enough freedom. Jems drowns me in love, constantly going the extra miles and always has the best intentions for me. (Tho, lately I've been telling him the world is really odd, I worry he'd soon question my sanity and his choice of being with me soon lololol wtf)
Honestly? I count my blessings every day, and every day I grow close to tears thinking of how so very blessed I am.

I think, in some ways, it's kinda like this:
I have no idea how this came about, and it's scary as shit cause I dont know where I might be next year, but I'm really really really really grateful for all that there is now. 

Thank you for listening to my messy rant.
Hopefully it'd clear up a little once my brain gets used to organizing again haha

And if I haven't said it enough,
Thank you, really, thank you for reading.
I hope beautiful things happen to you,
and I hope you realize all the beautiful things that are happening to you already :)

Love you xxxx