Dear younger self,

It has been a very long time since I last wrote to you. And to say that the trajectory of our lives have changed is only covering a fraction of all there is.

Right here and now is where I never thought I'll be. Maybe it's an age thing, maybe it's a prefrontal cortex thing, but I can tell you with certainty that so much that we used to worry about sits so far behind my head. 

They don't really go away, I think - the thought of having to be more or do better and the lack of what is, but I have grown to appreciate what is and what is possible to become that just to mope and be my own worst critic. Self-reflection is necessary, but it is as necessary to be kind to yourself and allow yourself for time. 

-

There is so much I want to tell you and so much I will not - because it is just not the same to understand it intellectually and feel it viscerally. But what i will tell you is this: 

This seeming overt advise encompass (for me) a big question mark of what being oneself means, and growing up it seemed like an endless quest to conquer - which I soon later realise, it is. 

As time passes and things happen, what is ideal is not only vague but also constantly evolving; as we are inevitably always reconstructing the person that we are. 

And I'm here to tell you that, you are allowed to change. 

You are allowed to have liked one thing your whole life and not like it one morning. 

You are allowed to try-out different things and realize it's not your thing and move on. 

You are allowed to change things for absolutely no reason at all. 

It's not your job to make sense of yourself for others - you just need to make sense to you. 

And honestly? People don't care about it as much as you think they would. They have themselves to think about, the same way you and I both spend the vast majority of our time worrying about ourselves. 

-

So just be yourself, and embrace every big and tiny changes you feel like making. 

So long you do no harm to others and understand that your actions are consequential, just do it. 

Life truly is too short to think about absolutely every possible worst outcome (but please do so responsibly - take calculated risks if you must). The worst that can happen is that you absolutely hate it; but the worst that can happen if you don't, is ever-wondering what-ifs. 

-

Whatever happens, 

I am here for you, and I love u. 

Always, 

(almost) 30 year old you

xx