Every now and then, my life shifts. 
And almost always it takes a path that requires so much change, the last chapter feels like a different book - the characters rotated out are replaced by a new cast, people who held the most airtime now barely stand on the sidelines, and the setting is entirely different. 

No matter how many times it happens, in the moment it always feels like the world is spinning off its orbit without forewarning and everything is a mess and nothing makes sense and there seems to be no reasonable explanation to justify the things that are happening. And more often than not, things are changing so much so fast there is no time to process thoughts and you just have to let things happen. 

but like seasons, winter comes and goes and spring always comes again after. 

Give it a year or two (or ten) - it will make sense.

Sometimes the reason is to learn what you had to so you'd become what you deserve to be; sometimes the reason is simply just that you were in your own way. and sometimes it's because you wouldn't take the action to relief yourself of a non-ideal situation if things weren't bad enough (re: the Region-beta paradox). The signs always come first as a whisper then a yell when you don't listen. 

Nothing monumental ever comes out of mediocrity - the law of averages rules that for every negative thing that is something positive of the same magnitude must happen. It simply is the law. 

(I personally believe that there is a large part played by the lack of resistance when control is given up and you have decided to let motion take its own course that it allows for the good to come in because of the law that like attracts like wtf - that's a different topic altogether, but both can be true simultaneously)

So rejoice in "bad" days because they are a sign that good must come. And enjoy the good days because they are the fruits of the work you've done. (and im not saying good can only come when bad happens because i will tell you firsthand shadow work is not pretty) 

See, the thing i've learnt that everything moves forward but only makes sense when you look backwards. 

And it took me awhile, but I have learnt to make peace with it and trust that what will come will make sense of all that is happening. It doesn't take away the dread or sense of lost control, but it helps sooth the heart a little and allows the mind to rest, knowing that answers will come in good time. 

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