At that point, I had a few tries in relationships, none of which went particularly well. I won't go so far to say that it was all my fault, but I will take up my share of responsibilities and admit that I was absolutely clueless and made petty mistakes that snowballed into issues that threatened the relationship - like over-compromising to the extent that the list of unacceptable behavior became a legitimate reason to end us.

And today, 6 months into the longest relationship I have been in so far (like I said, I never had much luck in relationships hahaha dont judge me wtf), I have to say this:

Relationships are still really weird things.

I have this habit of looking at things from a third person perspective and I promise you that relationships look cute and all when you see a part of it, but it is such a strange thing as a whole if you think about it.

Jems and I were talking about it just that day, and he asked - I quote - "how does it feel like being stuck with someone, obligated to return their affection all the time?"

Well, that's one way to put it hahaha. 

Irrelevant note, but one of the best things about being with Jems is that we can talk about the oddest things in the most natural manner - which is a relief because I constantly have useless questions I want answers to, and Jems seems to always have good answers to them -, and also his ways of phrasing things in the most obscure ways without being trying hehehe. 

But I digress.

Isn't it true now? Asides of the fact that being in a relationship means that you're most likely to be more than willing to reciprocate the love, it is pretty much true that you are somewhat morally obligated to be faithful and loyal to your partner, and any lack of responses when given affection will be seen as pretty "off" or a sign that "something's wrong". 

Then lately, I have been exposed to a different side of relationships. 

My believes in relationships have always been the same: 

You like each other, cool beans, get together. As long as you believe it is worth it, stay in the relationship; and when you're truly done and through, respect what you had enough to be honest and leave, cheating will never be acceptable.

But now I realize the best people fall into traps of making bad choices - torturous pits beautifully camouflaged as a tunnel to Wonderland.

Maybe it's the difference beliefs. Maybe to some, "dating while in a relationship" is a form of... digression. Like they still want their existing relationship in a long term, but at the same time want to experience of being with someone else for a feel of a different kind of relationship. After all, as a friend of mine said, "it is fun to date a boy, but after all, you want to be with a man". 

I understand where they come from. Can't say at all that I agree with the logic, but I can understand. I can only imagine it being like, icecreams and cookies are the ultimate comfort food, but you can't have them forever; whereas as much as porridge is boring, it's a more long term fix.

It's truly a new angle because for me the only factor that matters to me most is how much love there is between us and whether or not the relationship is "easy". (Easy in the most complex manner it takes an entire blog post to explain so we'll just leave it like this for now haha). It has always been logic that you have to weigh your choices, whether you're willing to throw away whatever you have for an experience you'll never have otherwise, vice versa. And to know that some people willingly get into/stay in such a relationship knowingly, I am left both intrigued and curious in the most noncritical way.

Which brings me back to this: Relationships are really weird things.

It is safe to say that I want to have nothing to do with such drama and  I cannot express how grateful I am to only learn all this second-handedly. I'd probably just flee the country and change my name and hide in a village forever if it ever happens to me hahaha

But whatever the circumstances, I wish for you the love you desire, more than what you believe you deserve. I wish for you the love you need, especially the love only you can give yourself. I wish for you the capacity to love indefinitely, and an equal amount of happiness to go with it. ❤

-

Thank you for always reading my pointless gibberish.

Thank you for letting me be part of you.

Love you! xxx ❤