Dear future self
Jun 19, 2014 Thursday, June 19, 2014 | 0 comments

Dear future self,

If you remember me, you'd remember that my thoughts are constantly everywhere. But I figured that, since I've written to the 17 year old and 16 year old me, I thought I'd write to you too.
Except this time, you have most the answers, and I, the beliefs you once held on to.

Yesterday was the day we first saw the Jim Carrey commencement address, and it was a great reminder of the things I've shoved far behind my head. And I wonder: Do you remember? Do you remember the universe? Do you remember how all is one? Do you even still believe in all that I do now? Or have you found a more logical and aligning explanation?

And, how are you? Are you doing the things you love? Or have you fallen into the mould you've been terrified of - living for survival and not freely? Have you cultivated the practice to do everything with passion and presence? Do you still love unconditionally, intensely, and vulnerably?

Sometimes I fear that you forget me. 
Growing up is hard. Going to the outside world - where people can be tricky and not all love and light - can make you build walls. I'm terrified that you'll grow up, and you forget to be a child; you cave in to society's expectations of an "adult", you lose your flexibility and randomness, and you forget to have fun. 

Even now, I'm given advices from legitimate adults (who really just want the best for me) that I have to start acting like an adult: wear better make up, dress older, talk softer, make more sense, actually mingle at parties and not just tumblr my way out of conversations wtf. 

Yes it is true, it all makes sense, and I have to up my game because we have the face of a 15 and that doesn't help wtf. But I truly detest the thought of having to be someone else whenever. I've worked hard to finally accept myself and I really hate that you'll have to change/hide that. 

But of course, it doesn't have to be like that.

You could be everything I wish for.
You could be having fun in Bali now for all I know. You may have decided to ditch everything and backpacking all over the world. (did mom and dad disown you tho? If not, please advice how did you do it wtf) You could already have your own house and a pet dog as big as a horse. You may be sleeping on a water bed right now. 

You may have finally met Ellen in real life. You may have already brought the whole of a couple of orphanages to Disneyland. Heck, you may even have your own island for all I know. 

(Please grant me dreams on how you did it wtf)

Whatever you're going through, good or bad, please know that I love you, unconditionally, intensely, and vulnerably. And I thank you for putting me into whatever you have gone through to be where you are now. I am sorry if I grumble a lot; I am only still learning. 

I'm sorry, please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. 

Oh and please re-read the entire series of The Secret if you have to. And have you finally gotten Paulo Coelho's books? 

Oh and, if you're already meeting Ellen, nothing is stopping you from meeting Jim Carrey isn't it?
Please do it, my man crush please wtf. 

I wish you all love and light. 

All yours,
20 year old you.